Different perspectives, same world

Proverbs 14 contains 35 more stand alone proverbs, so to keep it fresh, today I am going to pick my top 3 from this chapter and comment on them a bit more fully.

1. Cynics look high and low for wisdom—and never find it;
the open-minded find it right on their doorstep! v6

I am not a fan of cynicism. Cynics themselves would describe it as a ‘healthy scepticism’ and see it as a good thing. They see it as being reasonable, mature, sensible. I see it as a bucket of cold water.

I was brought up on it. Any dream or aspiration I had was weighed up by it and found wanting. Seen as ‘idealism’ rather than ‘realism’. And this was a bad thing. So I couldn’t pursue music because was I sure I was really good enough to compete in that world of gifted people (the other ones) and anyway, the world was a bit ‘debauched’ and how could I be sure I wouldn’t be led astray? I couldn’t pursue writing, because where was the future in that? What career did it lead to? How would I ever make a living? Much better to go to university, become a teacher, get married and have kids…so I did.

And now I find myself married to rather a cynic and have quite a cynic for my oldest son. Because they are engineers. Scientists. With analytical probing minds that will never be taken in by any amazing story. Who always bring reason to the table. Who start from a position of disbelief. Who believe that knowledge is THE most important thing. Who need proof. and then still will probably not be convinced.

Actually, the dictionary definition of cynicism is more narrow than I thought –

an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; scepticism.

OK, I suppose I get that. It’s an inbuilt distrust of other people. Of what it is to be human. That people are out to deceive and mislead and pursue their own agenda. No one can be trusted. Everyone has to prove themselves. Nothing is ever as it seems.

That way, you can’t get hurt, right? That way you protect yourself from being made a fool of.

And yes, I am the opposite to that. I believe in seeing the best in everyone. I can’t help it. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I wonder. I marvel. I am amazed. I embrace new people, new experiences. I am open-minded. Some would call it ‘gullible’. And of course, gullible is not good –

The gullible believe anything they’re told;
the prudent sift and weigh every word. v15

Gullible is certainly a trap that the open-minded can fall into.

So sometimes I get it wrong. Sometimes I get hurt. Sometimes I look a fool. But always I learn. I learn from the mistakes. I learn from the experience. I gain wisdom along the way.

It’s a personality thing. I’m not saying I’m ‘above’ the cynics in any way. It’s just a different way of being and we can learn from each other – as me and my husband have been doing for the last thirty years! He to be more open-minded; me to be more ‘thinking’.

Food for thought.

2. The person who shuns the bitter moments of friends
    will be an outsider at their celebrations. v10

Friends matter a lot to me. I invest in friendship. I want to be there in the bad times, as well as the good. I don’t get to be there at the celebrations, if I haven’t been there in the rough patches. We cannot avoid our friends when they are depressed because we feel they drag us down. We cannot walk away from our friends when they’re making poor choices because we feel uncomfortable to be around them. We cannot distance ourselves from a grieving friend because we have no idea what to say. We cannot stop spending time with a friend because their insecurities and need for constant reassurance irritate the life out of us. That’s not what friends do. Friends walk alongside. Friends are always friends.

3. The Fear-of-God builds up confidence,
    and makes a world safe for your children. v26

Some people I know are very protective of their children. They won’t let them use the bus. They fight their battles for them. They end up doing all their thinking for them. This ends us producing very dependent children.

Now, anyone who knows me and my family knows I have no ‘right’ to pass judgement on this. We have a mixed bag of kids in this respect. Some are fiercely independent to the point of being ‘feral’. Others message Dad to ask what Google could tell them.

But what struck me about this verse is that it’s the same world out there however you bring your kids up. Some see danger at every corner. Some see a world of excitement and opportunity. It’s the same world. It’s just how you see it. Going back to the cynical/open-minded thing, I guess I want my kids to see the world as a wonderful place packed with wonderful people. I’m not stupid. I know people can be mean and unreliable. My kids’ friends prove that every single day. But just because some are like that, that doesn’t mean all are. That doesn’t mean we should expect that from everyone. I believe in building confidence. Not rash confidence. But a confidence built on my kids being able to trust themselves to do the right thing in any situation. I believe in building resilience too. A confidence that they can stand strong, even when the teasing hurts like hell. My youngest daughter is developing into the queen of the humorous comeback. I love that.

For those who are more naturally cynical or cautious, or maybe have had a bad experience out in the world of their own, it’s hard. Hard to let go. Hard to let your kids live their own lives and make their own mistakes. I get that. And when you see my kids making their spectacular mistakes, I’m sure you feel justified in your (over) protectiveness.

We all do what we think is best.

Again, this is just food for thought.

It’s the same world out there.