Dead inside

Dead inside.

To have given up completely in spirit, but the body and mind remains.

Numb. Going through the motions devoid of emotion.

Putting one foot in front of the other. Without seeing. Without feeling. The walking dead.

Killed by cruelty or grief, depression or despair, loss of all hope.

Not caring about anything or anyone. Not noticing.

Not living, but surviving.

What is the point in living if you are already dead inside?

Bring me to life – Evanescence

How can you see into my eyes, like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I’ve become so numb, without a soul
My spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up, wake me up inside I can’t wake up,
Wake me up inside, save me,
Call my name and save me from the dark, wake me up
Bid my blood to run, I can’t wake up
Before I come undone, save me
Save me from the nothing I’ve become

Now that I know what I’m without
You can’t just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real, bring me to life

Wake me up, wake me up inside I can’t wake up,
Wake me up inside, save me,
Call my name and save me from the dark, wake me up
Bid my blood to run, I can’t wake up
Before I come undone, save me
Save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life, I’ve been living a lie
There’s nothing inside, bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

All this time, I can’t believe I couldn’t see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me

I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
I’ve got to open my eyes to everything

Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul

Don’t let me die here
There must be something wrong, bring me to life

Wake me up, wake me up inside I can’t wake up,
Wake me up inside, save me,
Call my name and save me from the dark, wake me up
Bid my blood to run, I can’t wake up
Before I come undone, save me
Save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life, I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
Bring me to life

I love this song. It speaks into my soul. Spoke into my soul when I felt dead inside.

In my novel ‘embrace‘, Kristina hears this song when she is dead inside, when her soul is grieving and she doesn’t know how to live again. She makes this song her prayer.

It wasn’t an instant thing. No sudden, miraculous recovery. It was more like a gradual awakening, like a tender, green shoot pushing its way through the darkness towards the light. Millimetre by millimetre.

She begins to open her eyes, to taste again, to touch.

These simple pleasures were like fragile threads of connection interweaving to create a stronger cord that pulled her gently back to life.

And why are we reflecting on this today? Because we’ve arrived at the most well-known passage in the Book of Ezekiel. An extremely well-known, strikingly visual passage.

The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”  Ezekiel 37:1-14

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones.

Hear the word of the Lord.

I will put my Spirit in you and you will live.

Can these bones live? Is there any hope? Am I always going to feel this way? Will I ever feel fully alive again?

You alone know the answer to that, God. You alone.

Only God can bring what is dead back to life. Only God has that resurrection power.

Breathe on me, Breath of Life.

When all our hope is gone and we feel dead inside, God will come and breathe new life into these bones.

Wake me up, wake me up inside I can’t wake up,
Wake me up inside, save me,
Call my name and save me from the dark, wake me up
Bid my blood to run, I can’t wake up
Before I come undone, save me
Save me from the nothing I’ve become