Outdoor sex

Finally she’s talking about sex!

I said I was talking about sex this month. And I have been. Because sex for me is far more than intercourse. Mostly, if someone says ‘We haven’t had sex in ages!’, they mean precisely that – intercourse. But sex is more that that. It’s anything that you and your partner get up to in private when the eyes of the world are looking the other way. It’s an expression of intimacy – and that expression can happen in a thousand different ways. A display of affection. So when I talk about sex, think about all that you and your partner enjoy together that you do not enjoy with anyone else. That opens up a whole new world of pleasure and takes the pressure off the ‘final performance’. By reducing sex to penetration, we can miss out on so much fun!

Oh no, she’s talking about sex!

Because sex is not something to be talked about. There’s this feeling of shame that surrounds sex sometimes. That there’s only one reason for sex and that is procreation. If we enjoy it too much, then that’s just wrong. There’s a right way to do sex. There’s a simple, right way – just stick to that. Sex is all about pleasure and it feels selfish to pursue pleasure. No no no! Sex is precious and fun and creative and life-giving and is the glue in a relationship!

So…outdoor sex…why are we talking about this today? Because it’s in the Bible –

She: How handsome you are, my beloved!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.

He: The beams of our house are cedars;
our rafters are firs.  Song of Songs 1:16-17

When you’re young, you don’t have a choice. You don’t have any privacy. You have to express your love to each other in the open air, away from prying eyes.

If people see you, they exclaim ‘Get a room!’.

And then you do. You get a room. You get married and get a house and sex then takes place in a bed in a bedroom. At a certain time of the day. For the rest of your life. All other public or private displays of affection are forgotten about over time. Sex becomes routine – one place, one time, one way. (I’m generalising here, but I’m sure you get my drift).

So…outdoor sex…and by outdoor, I mean anywhere that is not the bedroom! And remember, by sex, I mean anything from holding hands to kissing to…. Let’s just remind ourselves of why it can be fun!

• the feel of being at one with nature: when you step outside, something magical happens. The child in you comes out to play. You leave behind all your routines and responsibilities and let your imagination run free. In the great outdoors, the fresh air makes your skin smell great and you feel energised and healthy. You’re at one with each other and at one with Mother Nature. It’s time to play!
• the feel of being on holiday: when we’re on holiday, something magical happens. All the bad stuff or bring stuff or stressful stuff from home has been stripped away. We’re here to enjoy being with each other. We look at each other with different eyes. We make more effort to get ready and look nice. Somehow, we feel set free to behave differently on holiday – to try new things, to be spontaneous, to live a little…
• the feel of the sun on naked flesh: when the sun’s rays penetrate the skin, something magical happens. Our bones melt. We feel immediately relaxed and blissful. Our skin feels warm and soft and sensual. It feels so natural and liberating…The pace slows right down as the heat makes us languid and lazy and ready to savour every single moment…
• the feel of cool water: when we enter the water, something magical happens. Our bodies change. They feel different. We feel weightless. We’re surrounded and supported by this cool watery environment. We may feel refreshed and invigorated or lie back and float away. Feeling light and buoyant in your body makes you naturally feel light and buoyant in your mood. Being in water is a sensual experience in itself. The natural rhythms of the water – the ebb and flow of the waves lapping on the shore – transport our minds to a relaxed state as we surrender to the flow.
• the feel of a shared experience: when we visit a special place like a famous landmark, something magical happens. We want to make memories. We want to mark the moment. ‘Remember when we kissed at the top of the Eiffel Tower?’ That kind of thing. We already can’t quite believe that we are there – it all feels a bit surreal and out-of-body. We want to turn a really good experience into a really amazing one. We want to declare that we were there together, we did this together – this was an important shared experience.

So let’s find a way to step out of our routine and have some fun together!