Returning to our best self, the one we were created to be

Return to me and I will return to you. Zechariah 1:3

That was yesterday’s blog post.

And today, it is this.

Then they repented….Zechariah 1:6

‘Repent’ is not a popular word, is it? It reminds me of those men with billboards in the city centre – ‘Repent for the end is near’. That kind of thing. It’s linked with judgement and fear. On a deeper emotional, it reminds me of all those years I grew up in a spiritual environment that reinforced day in day out that we are all worms, the worst of sinners. That nothing we do is ever going to good enough. That all people are basically evil – all have sinned and will continue sinning. I grew up feeling that I was a bad person, guilty and ashamed for being me. That repenting meant beating myself up about all my failings and shortcomings every single day.

In fact, ‘repent’ is not a big enough word in English to contain all that it means in the original Hebrew. When I first heard Rob Bell’s podcast about this word, it blew my mind. I listened to it again last night and it blew my mind again. I urge you to listen to it too – www.robbell.podbean.com/e/episode-77-tshuvah/.

The word in Hebrew is T’shuvah, an old, old word encapsulating the whole human journey from the very beginning. From the time when God created the heavens and the earth and created human beings in his own image.He looked at creation and saw that it was good. Creation is blessed. Each human being ever created bears the image of the divine. It’s a tremendous affirmation of your fundamental goodness as a human being.

As God created us, He knows best how each one of us can live our best life, the life we were created to live. There’s a right path for each one of us, the path on which we discover what it is to be truly ourselves. We’ve all had glimpses of how that feels, right? To feel the call on our lives, to know that this is what it is to live life to the full. Maybe longer spells where all is well with the world. We’re connected to the divine and to that inner sense that we are living our best life.

This isn’t the same as being outwardly successful or prosperous. Maybe sometimes, but not by any means always. For each one of us has been created different with a unique path to follow. And mine will not be the same as yours.

However, we all also know what it is to wander from our path. To let our good practices slip. To turn away from what is life-giving and instead choose destructive habits and destructive relationships. We lose sight of who we are. We try desperately to be someone else or to numb out any uncomfortable emotions and experiences with food or drugs or alcohol or whatever works for us. We lose sight of our inherent goodness. We forget that we were created in the image of the divine. The things that we do to ourselves, to others and to the earth cause untold damage.

Then there’s that moment of awakening. The moment you realise you’ve got it all wrong.

That’s T’shuvah.

What’s happened to me? I don’t even recognise myself right now.

I’m making myself miserable. There’s no joy in this lifestyle, no love, no peace.

There must be more than this. This isn’t a life worth living. This isn’t the way I want to live any more.

Sometimes we have to reach rock bottom to experience that realisation. Maybe it’s a relationship breakdown that pulls us up short, or a health scare, or a bereavement or loss of a job or a world event.

It doesn’t always have to be something bad (although it often is as that’s the only way to get through to us that our lives are on a path to self-destruction). Maybe it’s a moment of revelation as we take the time to sit with ourselves and evaluate all that has been and all that is to come, as we talked about in yesterday’s blog post.

Something wakes us up. Something makes us open our eyes and take a look around us and makes us realise how far we have strayed from our own path. Then we feel that draw to turn back, that call to return to our path. The core of the word t’shuvah is ‘shuv’ which means to return.

I’ve had enough of this. It’s time to go home. 

What am I doing? I have to turn from this.

And so this great word T’shuvah contains two sides of the same coin: our incredible potential to do good and be the best version of ourselves and our potential to screw up spectacularly. We hold that tension within us each day. All of us do. And it’s about turning towards the light, recognising the divine, moving towards a life that is lived to the full.

When we start heading back to our own true path, the journey can be tough and take plenty of effort and determination. There may be consequences of how we’ve been living to deal with, things to put right, forgiveness to be sought out…it’s a road to recovery for each one of us. Every single day.

T’shuvah is a wonderfully positive word, full of potential and hope (unlike the word ‘repent’ in my experience).

It reminds that I bear the image of the divine: that I am loved and that I belong and that there is good in me.

It prompts to me to question that maybe I might be better than this (whatever the ‘this’ is right now).

It promises that tomorrow can be better than today.

It takes my hand and draws me back onto my path.

By sitting honestly and openly in the quiet with ourselves and with God (or whatever word we use for the divine energy that surrounds us and is within us), we connect with that best version of ourselves walking the path we were created to follow. We discover the ways in which we are wandering from that path. Ways in which we can return to that path, to our best life, to best practice, rise to the surface for us to grab hold of and run with.

T’shuvah is available to us each and every day.

Thanks be to God.