The power of positive labelling……

When the time drew near for David to die………  1 Kings 2:1

So this is it. The time has come. David is putting his affairs in order. He is saying his final words. He is handing over the kingdom to his son Solomon. He is telling Solomon what he has to do.

I am about to go the way of all the earth.

So be strong, act like a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires: Walk in obedience to him, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and regulations, as written in the Law of Moses.

Do this so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go and that the Lord may keep his promise to me: ‘If your descendants watch how they live, and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul, you will never fail to have a successor on the throne of Israel.’  1 Kings 2:2-4

This is a reminder of God’s covenant with His people – trust and obey, for there’s no other way….do the right thing with courage and God will be faithful…..

David will not be there to see it. He has to trust and hand over to the next generation.

They know what to do. It’s all written down in the Law of Moses.

And God’s laws and regulations are there for a reason – because they really are the best way to live.

God’s way is THE way.

And as for ‘I am about to go the way of all the earth’, it reminds me that death is one of the most natural processes of life and yet it feels the least natural, the most wrong, when someone close to us dies. We feel like we have been robbed of their presence, that they have been robbed of a future. Death feels cruel. And yet nobody lives for ever – no body anyway….our souls do and that is what can give us hope and light in the deepest despair and the darkest sorrow.

Life is a gift that we should never take for granted. We should be grateful for each new day and each new breath that we take. Because we never know…..

So David goes on to remind David of the men that need dealing with –

• Joab who killed two men in peace time: ‘Deal with him according to your wisdom, but do not let his gray head go down to the grave in peace.’ (v6)
• the sons of Barzillai of Gilead who stood by David: ‘But show kindness to then and let them be among those who eat at your table.’ (v7)
• Shimei who cursed David and threw stones at him: ‘Bring his grey head down to the grave in blood.’ (v9)

Then David rested with his ancestors and was buried in the City of David. He had reigned forty years over Israel—seven years in Hebron and thirty-three in Jerusalem. So Solomon sat on the throne of his father David, and his rule was firmly established.  1 Kings 2:10-12

One thing that’s interesting is that David mentions several times an important positive attribute of Solomon’s –

You are a man of wisdom; you will know what to do to him.  1 Kings 2:9

How we talk about our kids is key. We’re quick to label them with negative attributes sometimes, but how often do we highlight their positive attributes? We may tell them everyday that they are amazing and incredible and we love them but do they know how funny they are, how kind they are, how sensible they are, how perceptive they are….? We may praise them for a good school report or a fantastic dance show, but I’m talking here about how they do things, not what they do…..about the special attributes that make them unique.

Let’s take my kids……each one is different and each one has plenty of faults (don’t we all?) that I’m pretty good at pointing out on a regular basis……

But how often do I tell Luke how I admire his positivity and ability to get on with life and enquiring mind?

How often do I tell Keir that I love his passion for justice and his complex philosophy of life and his creative confidence?

How often do I tell Courtney that I’m overwhelmed by her warm, kind, generous heart?

How often do I tell Jordan that his gentleness combined with his quirky sense of humour are an extra special combination?

How often do I tell Nicola that I’m impressed by her determination and courage?

Because what we tell our kids sticks. Good or bad.

I’m still trying to shake off the impression that I am ‘fat, lazy and boring’ every single day.

What do our kids think we think of them?

We all know that labels can become self-fulfilling so let’s make sure any labels we put on our kids are the ones we want them to grow into…….

And of course, this applies to ourselves to.

What is your greatest strength?

Do you even know?

I bet you could reel off a list of negative attributes and weaknesses with no trouble at all.

There is a power in positive labelling. Words are just words but they do have some power to shape our identity and limit us or be empowering, enlivening and freeing.

It’s not about being deluded and ignoring all the bad bits. It’s about restoring a balance, a more balanced view of who we are and what we can be.

I am a very trusting and giving and generous person. Which means I can be taken for a ride and taken advantage of easily.

I find it hard to say no. Which means I have to pack a lot in.

I am very accepting and see the best in everyone. Which can be seen as lacking judgement.

I have a childlike approach to life. Which some people think is childish.

I do not see risk. Which seems irresponsible to many.

For most of my life, I’ve seen all of those things as negative and to be drummed out of me. I have been made to feel ashamed of being that way. Now I am beginning to accept them and see them as strengths. I am this person. I like being this person.

Have a go at writing down some positive statements about yourself today……..