Shamgar and Meryl Streep

SHAMGAR

After Ehud came Shamgar son of Anath, who struck down six hundred Philistines with an oxgoad. He too saved Israel.  Judges 3:31

This is all we know about our third judge. His name and his greatest achievement. This is how he saved Israel from the Philistines – with an oxgoad. Which is a pointed pole for prodding cattle and guiding them when ploughing or doing other heavy work.

MERYL STREEP

There is a lot more information out there about the third in my list of individuals who have led me, inspired me and challenged me.

Meryl Streep is one of the most gifted actors of this generation. The mini bio on IMBd informs us –

Considered by many critics to be the greatest living actress, Meryl Streep has been nominated for the Academy Award an astonishing 19 times, and has won it three times. Meryl was born Mary Louise Streep in 1949 in Summit, New Jersey……

…..she was nominated for her first Oscar for her role in The Deer Hunter (1978). She went on to win the Academy Award for her performances in Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) and Sophie’s Choice (1982), in which she gave a heart-wrenching portrayal of an inmate mother in a Nazi death camp.

A perfectionist in her craft and meticulous and painstaking in her preparation for her roles, Meryl turned out a string of highly acclaimed performances over the next decade in great films like Silkwood (1983); Out of Africa (1985); Ironweed (1987); and A Cry in the Dark (1988). Her career declined slightly in the early 1990s as a result of her inability to find suitable parts, but she shot back to the top in 1995 with her performance as Clint Eastwood’s married lover in The Bridges of Madison County (1995) and as the prodigal daughter in Marvin’s Room (1996).

And she is still going strong of course……

I fell in love with her when I was 18. It was ‘The French Lieutenant’s Woman’ that did it for me. I was blown away by the passion and heart-wrenching emotion in that film. For my 18th birthday, I persuaded my Auntie Margaret, who I was living with at the time, to let me have some friends round to watch it (the first of many film nights, hey girls!). It was probably the most racy film ever to be viewed in their house but I didn’t see it that way. To me, it was art.

I loved that she was so very talented and could take on any role and enter into the character completely. I loved that she wasn’t a typical celebrity and she wasn’t ever interested in being famous. She just loved acting. I loved that she would take risks for roles that attracted her even if they were not the best career choices. I loved that someone who could appear so calm and at peace in their own life could bring such emotion and turmoil to the roles that she played.

I just loved her. I had pictures of her stuck in my English A Level folder.

She still takes my breath away. I love that she would take on a role like the mum in ‘Mamma Mia’ and portray an older woman (a singing older woman at that) in such a beautiful, natural, honest way.

So how did she lead me, inspire me and challenge me as a teenager?

I had been brought up to never trust emotions. Emotions were not encouraged and not expressed. I only heard my mum and dad argue once. My brother sought acceptable ways to release his natural teenage angst and anger and resorted to kicking the washing basket around the garden, bouncing a squash ball off his wall incessantly and setting fire to a poster while it was still on his wall – all of which were frowned upon, of course. Emotions were ‘of the flesh’ you see and as Christians, we were expected to rise above that and live in the victory of ‘mind over matter’.

It wasn’t even OK to be outwardly excited or exuberantly happy. And I was. I was that kind of child. I was very emotional and affectionate and exuberant. I wasn’t naturally the kind of child that was seen and not heard. And I think that embarrassed my parents.

I don’t know – I’m doubting myself as I’m writing here – perhaps this was just how I perceived it. I just feel like it wasn’t OK to express disappointment when I lost a game. It wasn’t OK to express how bereft I felt when David left home. It wasn’t OK to cry (I still haven’t mastered the art of crying). Emotions had to be hidden and suppressed. Life was all about being a good witness for God – putting on a good show essentially.

And as a teenager, I found that increasingly difficult. I had a lot of very negative emotions swirling around inside me that I had no idea what to do with. I felt like a pond – with beautiful reeds and dragonflies and shimmering water on the surface and lots of manky mud and pond weed and disgusting stiff just under the surface.

I was pretty sheltered and maybe Meryl Streep was the first person expressing emotion (albeit on screen) that I could relate to. She expressed deep passion and sadness and yet it didn’t destroy her or drive her crazy. I loved the depth of emotion that she brought to every role. I loved the raw honesty of emotion.

She was my inspiration. Watching her films helped me get in touch with my emotions and own them and start to learn to express them.

I am a naturally emotional person. And that still embarrasses me. I still struggle not to see the strength of my emotions as a bad thing. I struggle to fully let go. I still don’t know how to cry.

I am still learning and am still on a journey of discovery. I’m still discovering how to be myself and express all this emotion without fear of rejection and disapproval. Meryl Streep is still accompanying me and taking on roles that challenge and inspire me………