Tola and Campbell and Ruth

TOLA

After the time of Abimelek, a man of Issachar named Tola son of Puah, the son of Dodo, rose to save Israel. He lived in Shamir, in the hill country of Ephraim. He led Israel twenty-three years; then he died, and was buried in Shamir.  Judges 10:1-2

Not a lot I can say really. This is all we know about Tola. Like that he had a Grandad called Dodo. The word ‘led’ is interchangeable with ‘judged’ apparently – he ruled, he kept the peace, he challenged, he inspired, he delivered, he saved…….

CAMPBELL AND RUTH

Some of the first people we met when we moved to Gateshead in September 1996 were Campbell and Ruth. I can still remember walking up the steps to their front door on Albert Drive and wondering if we would be friends…..and then on first impressions, deciding we would probably not be. I was completely in awe of their alternative lifestyle. There was Campbell, with baby Neil strapped to his back, kneading bread ready to bake in the Aga….there was Ruth, wise and calm, exuding peace…..nothing at all like me. They had three young children and were all vegetarian and had no car and no TV.

I was terrified. Andy had come to the North East to work with Campbell at Traidcraft and I was scared that everyone at Traidcraft would be living this lifestyle – and that we would stand out as far too worldly…..I was ready to run back down South! We’ve moved to Low Fell on Campbell and Ruth’s recommendation and signed Luke up at the same Primary School as their kids – now I was frightened that I would have to feel as inadequate as I was feeling right then every day at the school gates.

Anyway, against all the odds, we did become good friends. Neil and Keir were only two weeks’ apart in age and attended play group and nursery and Primary School together. Which was great for Keir, because he was exceptionally shy and refused to stay anywhere without me without putting up a fight (he kicked the Head Teacher in the shin when she tried to hold him back from escaping on his initial visit to the school!).

And we still are good friends. We’ve met up as a family over the Christmas period every year and a few other times in between and watched our children grow and develop into wonderfully individual individuals. Campbell and Ruth are godparents to our adopted children. They remember their birthdays and pray for them regularly. We now meet up with them about once a month on a Friday evening to catch up. Ruth and Andy are both active in the local Green Party. We may still have very different lifestyles and personalities but we all learn from each other and are inspired and challenged by each other.

One particular conversation was instrumental in changing our lives forever. We needed to make a decision about whether we should apply to adopt Nicola or not. We had a bundle of mixed emotions. We went to see Campbell and Ruth to talk it over. Were we mad? Was this a crazy idea? How could we know if this was God’s will or not? We already had three young children and had applied to adopt Jordan. Were we the kind of people who could cope with five children? Who did we think we were?

I can still vividly remember sitting in Campbell and Ruth’s front room around a little table drinking tea, although I can’t remember the actual conversation. I just remember the space to think that this encounter gave us, the peace, the calm, the clarity. They did not persuade us. They let us reach our own decision. They had faith in us – in our resourcefulness, intellect and determination. If we went for it, we would find a way to make it work. If we did not, that was perfectly understandable too.

Being the kind of people we were, there was no way in the end that we would not give it a go. If God did not want us to have Nicola, then we prayed that he would block the application. We needed to believe that God’s will would be done. The application did turn out to be an incredibly difficult and painful process – and yet the Head of Social Services in Newcastle had the final word and deemed us capable of this massive undertaking.

Looking back, as I say, Andy and I have never been ones to back away from a challenge and so it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that we would go for it. In that sense, that conversation made no difference. The way in which it did make a difference however, was in the reality of living with five young children, all with very different and significant needs. The reality was awful at times, at times every single day – then I remembered the the peace, the calm and the clarity around that little table. I gained some comfort from it. It soothed some of my anxieties. If Campbell and Ruth believed in our resourcefulness, intellect and determination, then so could I.

Things haven’t turned out as we would have hoped or prayed or planned and our children continue to surprise us (sometimes in a good way lol!) every single day. Mother’s Day is never great in this house. It puts me under the spotlight and everyone assesses how good a mother I’ve been to them. It confuses my adopted children as they struggle with the whole idea of who their mum even is……Courtney actually chose to spend the day with her birth mum this year. Nicola refused to come to church because it was Mother’s Day and Jordan resolutely refused to see why I should be treated any differently or ‘spoiled’ at all. Anyway, it’s over for another year.

And now I do have more confidence to believe I have done OK. I have definitely done my best. We took on an awful lot and have given so much to it. Our family is still hanging in there just about and in two weeks’ time, we will all be together celebrating Luke’s wedding. The day will have its ups and downs – it will be emotional messy at times – that is the nature of our family. That is who we are.

And Campbell and Ruth will be there at the Evening Reception to support us and celebrate with us. Just as they have been for the last 18 years.

They have guided us, inspired us and challenged us. They have not been afraid to live out their convictions in their daily lives. And they have always loved.