Gideon and Eileen

GIDEON

So Gideon has been convinced by God that he is the one to deliver the Israelites from their current oppression. He is to lead them to victory against the Midianites. He gathers a large army. Too large, according to God.

You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’  Judges 7:2

This clearly has to be the work of God so that all the glory will go to Him and not be attributed to the strength and might of the Israelite army.

So anyone who is afraid is allowed to leave. 22000 leave. 10000 remain.

And then there is a test. Of how they drink water from the river. Keep those who lap from cupped hands. Send those who get on their knees to drink straight from the river away.

Gideon gets to keep 300 men. The Midianites are settled in the valley ‘as thick as locusts’. The odds are not looking great.

But Gideon goes with his servant at night into the Midianite camp to hear what is going on. He hears a man tell his dream of Israelite victory. He knows God has sent the dream. He knows God has filled the Midianites with fear.

The Israelites surround the camp with trumpets and torches hidden in empty jars. They blow the trumpets and smash the jars revealing the torches.

The Midianites are taken by surprise. They are consumed with fear. They run away, crying.

The men of the hill country of Ephraim come out to capture and kill the fleeing Midianites.

They also captured two of the Midianite leaders, Oreb and Zeeb. They killed Oreb at the rock of Oreb, and Zeeb at the winepress of Zeeb.  Judges 7:25

The battle is over. But Gideon’s story is not. Tomorrow we will see how others handle his victory…..

Now onto my next individual who led, inspired and challenged me…..

EILEEN

So Andy and I somehow graduated. And got jobs. And moved to Colchester. And got married. And attended Castle Methodist Church. Where we met Eileen and her husband Ivor.

Andy was training to become a Methodist Local Preacher and Ivor was his mentor. The couple invited us round to get us know us better and over time, they probably got more than they bargained for! When they moved to Nottingham, they let us move into their house and rent it off them as Luke was such a loud baby who cried a lot and living in a flat with him proved to be very, very stressful. They agreed to be godparents to our two boys. They supported us in our early married life. They welcomed us into their home and church.

That’s Eileen in the middle – with Ruth Arnold and my niece Rachel

Eileen was like no other Christian I had met before. Like no other woman I had met before. I recently had a reunion afternoon tea in London to celebrate my 50th birthday and Eileen came along and she was still just as special as ever…..I struggle to put into words what it is about her and what I say now will be inadequate but here goes…..

Eileen was not the most obviously involved member of the church. She didn’t feel the need to volunteer for everything and be at every event. She was naturally more introverted and not a fan of crowds and was completely comfortable with that. I had been brought up to believe that extrovert (in a restrained way, of course!) was best and it was our duty to be out there serving God and serving others 24/7. Eileen was the master of ‘me-time’. She read, she pottered in her garden, she contemplated, she prayed…..and she didn’t feel guilty about it. She was a truly amazing person without having to be in the limelight achieving amazing things for God. Her life was so much more about who she was than what she did…..

She had a natural integrity and honesty which I loved. She was very thoughtful and comfortable with expressing doubt and not having all the answers. I had been brought up to believe that doubting was a sin and not having the answer was falling short. I was brought up with black and whites and Eileen was amazing at embracing the grey.

She showed me a completely different way of living out my Christian faith. I had been brought up to be an extrovert and yet I found it completely exhausting. I had found introverts to be selfish and week and ineffectual…..until I met Eileen. She had an inner strength and confidence that I had not encountered before in all those fervent ‘out there’ Christians with passionate evangelistic zeal (who could never stop and breathe and reflect in case…….).

She was kind to me and encouraged me to be kind to myself. She was comfortable with all my weaknesses and did not expect perfection from me – which was a good thing, because I found being a mother really, really hard and was pretty rubbish at it (which made me feel like a total failure as a woman). She wasn’t one to talk about standards and rules and the right way of doing things…..she believed in being the best we can be with all our limitations and weaknesses and not by denying them and suppressing them and overcoming them. She accepted what it was to be human and did not feel that being a Christian meant denying the human and trying to be superhuman at all times (pretending to be superhuman at all times).

She enabled me to ask for help and show weakness and not feel guilty about it. When we were in London in November, I asked all the women to share a memory of me – hers was getting a phone call at 7am from a worried Andy who was on his way to work having left me in pieces with a crying Luke. She came straight round and saw me at my absolute worst – unable to function, unable to ‘claim the victory’, looking absolutely dreadful no doubt – and she was just there….calming, reassuring, quietly coping.

Eileen has the best voice in the world. It’s like a soothing balm to my soul. I miss her and her voice so much. She lives in Colchester and I don’t see her often enough and yes, I could phone her but neither of us are great on the phone…….

She changed me and inspired me. She gently challenged me to stop trying so hard to prove myself and allow myself to be me. Writing all this challenges me too. I have got a lot better but it’s easy to slip into old ways. I have been so busy recently and it’s fab to thrive on the adrenaline and attention and affirmation….so much so that when the lull comes and it’s time to rest and recover, it’s hard to accept and embrace. That is what I need right now. I need space and quiet. I need not to achieve a lot for a bit. And I need to be OK with that.