I still get jealous…….

In a series I’m watching on Netflix at the moment, a really bad man’s daughter is seriously ill with leukaemia. He commits atrocities out in his real world and yet when he’s with his daughter, his heart melts and he would do anything for her. Anything to get her the right treatment. Anything to get her to be well again. She is his world, his reason for living.

It makes for a great storyline of course – the heartless individual with a heart for his daughter.

Jeroboam is the same. When his son Abijah becomes ill, Jeroboam is distraught. He resorts to desperate measures. He persuades his wife to disguise herself so she is not recognised as the king’s wife to go and visit the prophet Ahijah for advice. The problem with a prophet is he’s always going to know, isn’t he? That’s the nature of a prophet. God is going to tell him – so he knows who she is, even though he is completely blind. So he doesn’t waste time with the pretence when she arrives and tells her exactly what is going to happen – the bad news for Jeroboam basically…..

‘I raised you up from among the people and appointed you ruler over my people Israel. I tore the kingdom away from the house of David and gave it to you, but you have not been like my servant David, who kept my commands and followed me with all his heart, doing only what was right in my eyes. You have done more evil than all who lived before you. You have made for yourself other gods, idols made of metal; you have aroused my anger and turned your back on me.

Because of this, I am going to bring disaster on the house of Jeroboam. I will cut off from Jeroboam every last male in Israel—slave or free. I will burn up the house of Jeroboam as one burns dung, until it is all gone. Dogs will eat those belonging to Jeroboam who die in the city, and the birds will feed on those who die in the country. The Lord has spoken!’  1 Kings 14:7-11

You cannot say he has not been warned. Time and time again.

As soon as Jeroboam’s wife returns home with this message, the son dies. Just as the prophet Ahijah told her.

This is the last we hear of Jeroboam –

He reigned for twenty-two years and then rested with his ancestors. And Nadab his son succeeded him as king.  1 Kings 14:20

In the meantime, what is going on with Rehoboam, Solomon’s son who became king of the tribes of Judah?

No better I’m afraid.

Judah did evil in the eyes of the Lord. By the sins they committed they stirred up his jealous anger more than those who were before them had done. They also set up for themselves high places, sacred stones and Asherah poles on every high hill and under every spreading tree. There were even male shrine prostitutes in the land; the people engaged in all the detestable practices of the nations the Lord had driven out before the Israelites.  1 Kings 14:22-24

So in the fifth year of the king’s reign, God allows Shishak king of Egypt to attack Jerusalem and make off with all the treasures of the temple and the royal palace – which if you remember is an awful lot of treasures. The gold shields Solomon had made are taken so they have to make do with bronze shields instead.

And that’s all we hear of Rehoboam –

There was continual warfare between Rehoboam and Jeroboam. And Rehoboam rested with his ancestors and was buried with them in the City of David. His mother’s name was Naamah; she was an Ammonite. And Abijah his son succeeded him as king.  1 Kings 14:30-31

So he has a son called Abijah too? Who is allowed to survive…..and succeed him as king…..

What stands out to me today is the idea of God’s jealous anger.

We’ve seen it before throughout this journey with the people of Israel. God has made it clear – He is to be their only God; there is no room for substitute or alternative gods. God is the one true God – He will not share their worship and attention and service and loyalty with anyone else. The phrase ‘jealous God’ is particularly used alot in Deuteronomy –

For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.  Deuteronomy 4:24

You see, I’ve always seen jealousy as a negative emotion – I’ve written about it several times in this blog series already. But if God is good and God is described as jealous, then does that mean jealousy can be good?

So you’re in a relationship with a beautiful, talented woman and she’s out there in the world and posting gorgeous pictures of herself every day – and getting a lot of male attention…of course she is…she’s stunning, that’s why you love her……and then you start to wonder if she loves you as much as you love her (why would she? You’re not that special…) and you begin to analyse the way she talks about other men and the way she looks at them……welcome to the world of Nick Jonas in ‘Jealous’! This is the typical jealous scenario, right – where overwhelming happiness starts to be clouded by insecurities and suspicions. Because when this kind of jealousy takes a hold, it rarely ends well. Love turns to anger and the resulting actions are often destructive and dangerous.

However, this jealousy stems from an appreciation of the person you’re with….you’re happy, happier than you have ever been in your life and you don’t want it to end……you’re scared of losing this special someone so you end up clinging on extra tight. This is the only good thing about jealousy in my view. It helps you see what really matters to you.

When you love your kids, you can feel twinges of jealousy when they’re out with their mates all the time. Your kids make you happy and you want to spend time with them and they would rather be spending time with someone else.

When you have a really good friend who you love being with, then it can be hard if they get a new job or hobby or friendship group and end up spending less time with you.

When you feel great in the presence of your partner – like all is well with the world – but they are working longer and longer hours and are never off their phone, then you can feel jealous.

All of these show how much you care about someone, how important they are to you, how much you value them – and that is a good thing I think. It’s when this jealousy takes a hold and starts to negatively affect our feelings and actions that the alarm bells need to start ringing……when the insecurities we feel shake our confidence in what we have…..

…when we look for opportunities to ground our kids and keep them close

…when we start to bitch about other friends and undermine our friend’s choices

…when we nag and criticise constantly

So maybe the initial jealousy is OK; it’s what we do with it that matters.

We can use it to nurture our relationships and make sure we never take them for granted or we can allow it to ruin our relationships…

And just as jealousy is a great natural indicator of the relationships that really matter to us, it can also reveal to us the activities and things that really matter to us too.

My dogs get really jealous of each other – if one is being stroked or taken for a walk or played with or given the bone, the other makes it very clear that they are not happy. Because dogs love attention and walks and bones and play…..

When I heard of a friend heading off on holiday to a sunny place, I would get really, really jealous…and Andy would not.

And if Andy read about a friend climbing a mountain, he would get jealous and I would not.

That’s because he loves mountains and I love the sun (and this is why we are not going on holiday together this year!)

Twinges of jealousy can help us know ourselves – know what really matters to us, what we care about……so that we can recognise our desires and maybe be able to do something to achieve our aspirations…….maybe not in the short term but over time…..it’s when we allow the jealousy to take over our feelings and actions in a negative way that it can all start to go wrong…..

And finally on this….God has not changed. He is still a jealous God. He wants us to be completely 100% for Him – for all that we are and have to belong to Him, for us to hold nothing back…..

And just as we make time for the people and things we really care about, how much time are we giving to be aware of the presence of God in our lives? How much do we care?