Our small miracle…..

And I know in our lives, God has caused a miracle. An emotional miracle. He has turned the most desperate of situations into good. He has delivered us from our despair and provided the words we have needed and protected us and our family.

On the afternoon of Friday 23rd January, it felt like our world was about to fall in around our ears. Now we can look back and see how God has been with us. Where we find ourselves as a family now compared to then certainly feels like a miracle. I’ll recount the whole story tomorrow.

That was in yesterday’s blog. So here’s our story.

At 10am on Friday 23rd January, I left home to travel to Centerparcs for my annual weekend away with friends. I look forward to this weekend all year – a chance to really relax and have the space to do whatever I want (even if that is nothing!). This was our 16th weekend away together (16 years!) and we slipped quickly into our routine….parking up, lunch in Starbucks, going to the pool…..it was going to be amazing as usual.

Then I get a text from Andy just as I was about to put my clothes in the locker –

Blissful ignorance or staying up to date with developments?

Sometimes we agree to shield the one who is out for the evening or away for a weekend from all the stresses and dramas of life at home…this was obviously not going to be one of those occasions. Once a message like that has been sent, there is no going back. You just have to know then – because what you are fearing is probably much, much worse than the reality. Not in this case.

Spill all please

Nicola’s excluded from school. She’s home now.

Andy had received that phone call from school that every parent dreads – to come and pick their child up for unacceptable behaviour. We had been through so much of this before with Courtney, but that doesn’t make it any easier – in fact, these phone calls over the years have lowered our resilience and self-belief as parents. And as a dad, to hear that your young daughter has been involved in inappropriate activity via the internet with a boy is probably the biggest nightmare of all.

So Andy had arrived at school and left without much explanation and support to bring Nicola home to begin a week’s exclusion from school. He was devastated. He had no idea how to handle the situation. He was completely out of his depth.

And I was 100 miles away until Monday tea time.

I had never felt so far from home. I felt torn. I wanted to know all the details. I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to be there to support my husband. I didn’t want Andy to be facing this alone. I wanted to hold my baby girl and be there to build her up and help her through this most sensitive minefield. I felt she needed her mum. I was the only one who could do this right.

And I was not there.

Having looked at the Israelites crossing the Jordan river yesterday, I guess this was one of our Jordan river experiences. We stood in despair on one side of a deep flowing river and had no idea how to get across to the other side. We could not imagine how we could get through this. We felt we did not have the strength or wisdom or resilience to do this. Andy felt isolated and scared and inadequate. I felt helpless and guilty for being away. And Nicola was keeping her feelings to herself.

This kind of situation needs to be handled sensitively. And it was not.

This kind of situation needs to be handled with discretion. And it was not.

Jordan come home from school that afternoon knowing all the details of what his sister had been up to from the rumours that were flying around the school.

We were angry at the school’s response, frustrated at their lack of support, emotional about our little girl, cross with her for making such a serious mistake – and inadequate, inadequate, inadequate.

What kind of parents must we be?

How did we not know?

What have we done wrong?

What do we do now?

How can we possibly face going through years of drama with school again as we have already been through once with Courtney?

What can we do now?

How will we ever get through this?

That’s where the miracle comes in, you see. We may have been completely inadequate, but our God is not. He would see us through. He would give us the strength. He can bring good out of any situation.

And this is how:-

• God filled Andy with love and compassion for his two youngest children that weekend. They spent the weekend cooking good food and walking in the fresh air with the dog and watching films together and chatting loads – basically being there for each other.
• God gave me a level of peace and freedom from guilt to enjoy my weekend away and deal with my emotions away from the situation so that I could come back refreshed enough to be able to helpfully engage.
• God gave Andy the wisdom and words to write a four page email to school so that the meeting on Wednesday was far more positive and productive than we could ever have imagined.
• God has given Jordan the bravery to face up to all the comments about his sister calmly and maturely.
• We have taken control of Nicola’s Chromebook and phone and now we are enjoying much more time with her and engaging far more in her life again.
• She in turns seems to have responded well to having less time online and seems happier in herself on one level. She has gone back to school and had to face a lot of questions and teasing and yet she is still going and is remarkably courageous. She has massive strength of character. She seems to want to learn from all this and make changes in her friendship groups and life. Even her bedroom is tidy at the moment!
• And most importantly of all, I think, this incident does not appear to have damaged her in the worst ways that we were imagining. Time will tell, of course, but early signs are good.

We can look back from where we sit now and thank God for helping us across this particular river Jordan. We know that people have been praying for us as a family. We know that God hears and answers and gives strength and wisdom and courage and love.

We have not drowned in all this. None of us have.

We still have some way to go. Yesterday was not a good day for Nic at school and I suspect she will be reluctant to go. We are still waiting to hear back from the Headteacher and imagine that there is still some discussion to be had.

But on Friday 23rd January, we had no idea how we would get through this. And we have.

We’d forgotten how amazing God is. We always do in the first moment as the waves of shock and fear and inadequacy and guilt and emotional pain start to rise up and cover our feet.

And yet every time He is there and walks with us and supports us.

We need to find a way to remember this next time.

Because there will be a next time.

And God will be there next time too.

That is our small miracle.