The hand of God

In chapter 8, the narrative now moves to the first person. The account is now delivered in Ezra’s own voice –

These are the family heads and those registered with them who came up with me from Babylon during the reign of King Artaxerxes: (followed by a long list!)        Ezra 8:1

He recounts how he assembled these people together and when he found there were no Levites among them, he sent some trusted leaders and men of learning to fetch some Levites who could serve as temple servants in the house of God. Which they did – ‘because the gracious hand of our God was on us’ (v18).

Then –

There, by the Ahava Canal, I proclaimed a fast, so that we might humble ourselves before our God and ask him for a safe journey for us and our children, with all our possessions.  Ezra 8:21

Why?

I was ashamed to ask the king for soldiers and horsemen to protect us from enemies on the road, because we had told the king, “The gracious hand of our God is on everyone who looks to him, but his great anger is against all who forsake him.”  Ezra 8:22

He then gave silver and gold and sacred articles to twelve of the leading priests to be delivered safely to the temple.

The hand of our God was on us, and he protected us from enemies and bandits along the way.  Ezra 8:31

When they arrived at the temple, they gave over to the temple the silver and gold and sacred articles. Everything was counted and weighed. Everything was accounted for. Everything was recorded.

Then they gave the king’s instructions to the governors of Trans-Euphrates who as a result, ‘gave assistance to the people and to the house of God.’ (v36)

When I was in my teens, I struggled a lot. With myself mainly. A lot of teenagers do, I guess. I struggled with who I was and my place in the world. I struggled with crushingly low self esteem. Whatever I achieved, I could have done better. God loved me even though I was worthless. I should never take pride in anything I had done. Feelings were irrelevant and definitely not to be trusted. I was there to make other people happy – so when they were sad, I had failed. When I was sad, I was selfish. I was given a standard of Christian thinking and behaviour that I constantly fell short of. I was not accepted (and definitely not celebrated) for who I was. I was too demonstrative, too naturally affectionate, too expressive. I did not feel approved. I felt people were ashamed of me.

I’ve told you before, I think, but when I saw the film ‘Gandhi’ when I was fifteen, I was distraught. I cried. I yearned to be a missionary, to help other people, but felt so worthless and unclean that I didn’t believe any missionary society would have me. If anyone scratched the surface and saw the dark thoughts and feelings lurking underneath, then I would be rejected. I would never be allowed to serve God. I wasn’t good enough.

So when I was 20 and went to live in France for a year and was introduced by my church there to the story of Ezra and Nehemiah, I was ready to hear about the hand of God. I was fascinated by the idea of the hand of God on my life. All I have ever wanted is to feel I am serving God. I am living as part of His plan. I am doing my bit to bring God’s kingdom and God’s will on earth as in heaven. I longed to feel God’s hand on me, to believe deep in my heart that He was with me. I already knew that this wouldn’t necessarily mean that I would succeed at everything and everything would go well for me. I didn’t care. I wasn’t asking for an easy life. I was asking for a life with meaning and purpose, a life with God.

That year in France taught me a lot and it did embed in me the deep-rooted belief that God’s hand was on my life. I have found that deeply reassuring over the years. Whether there are good times or bad times, I do not doubt that God is there or that He is listening. I may not understand or have any answers, but I started to find significance and value and acceptance and approval and love in God from that time on.

I find even this passage rather simplistic. The idea that when something goes well, that’s proof that God’s hand is on Ezra. And that if they had been attacked by bandits, then that would prove God’s hand was not on them. And that if they asked for human protection from the king, then that would prove that God’s hand was not on them. It’s all very black and white, isn’t it?

And yes, it’s so easy to slip into this way of thinking as Christians. We shout about answered prayer as proof that God is at work but don’t know how to deal with all the prayers that seem to go unanswered and just hope that no one will notice those. We give God the credit when things go well for us, but what happens when they don’t? Is it because we did not pray enough? Because we did not have enough faith? Because there is unconfessed sin in our life?

None of it is that simple. We cannot understand or begin to explain. We should be grateful to God when things work out how we want, of course we should – but we should always be able to find a way to be grateful to God, whatever is going on. Nothing that happens to us, good or bad, is proof of whether God exists or not – the proof for me lies in the tremendous strength and peace and love and joy and patience and humility and self-control and faithfulness of those who are walking through horrific situations in life with the hope and forgiveness of God in their hearts.

It’s easy to believe and have faith when things are going well. It’s easy to say God’s hand is on my life then. What about when someone close to me dies? When I am told I have cancer? When my child is bullied? When I lose my job and my income? When I have to flee my home and become a nameless statistic? When I am raped and tortured? When I wake up day after day after day under the dark cloud of depression? Is God’s hand on me then?

Yes. I believe so. I believe every single one of us was created for a reason. I believe each one of us has a unique role to play in this world that no one else can play. I believe each one of us has purpose and significance. This is what every human yearns for – significance, value, meaning. Perhaps this is why radicalisation is so appealing for so many right now – it gives an individual something to live and die for. We can do that too. God’s story is one of purpose and meaning. It gives us something to live for. And sometimes to give our life for. This is good news. We have something to shout about. The message of God is risky and dangerous and exciting and subversive and revolutionary and powerful and extreme. At this time, more than at any other time, we need to think this through and become excited about the hand of God on our lives. This is a different message to the message on our news right now. It’s about love and forgiveness and service and peace and restoration and reconciliation. We are going to have to speak up. Louder. Clearer. We are being called to have a view and have a response to what is happening.

God’s hand is on each one of our lives. God is with us. He will never abandon us. He will be there in every dark corner that we find ourselves. We have purpose and value and significance. We carry His light into the darkness, His peace where there is terror, His love where there is hatred……..