Who needs advice….?

So Solomon is now dead and his son Rehoboam is now king.

Jeroboam, who had rebelled against Solomon, returns from Egypt and goes with the people to Rehoboam with a proposal –

“Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but now lighten the harsh labor and the heavy yoke he put on us, and we will serve you.” 1 Kings 12:4

Rehoboam takes three days to consider this and consult with his elders, who advise –

“If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.”  1 Kings 12:7

And then he ignores this advice and turns to his friends to see what they have to say –

“These people have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter.’ Now tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.’”  1 Kings 12:10-11

Because of this, all Israel (apart from the Israelites living in the towns of Judah, rebelled against the king and refused to accept his authority. They stoned his messenger Adoniram. They made Jeroboam king over all Israel.

Rehoboam gathers an army to try to reclaim the whole kingdom but God advises against it via the man of God Shemaiah – and Rehoboam takes notice and returns home.

Jeroboam lives in Shechem and takes control but is worried about the people returning to Jerusalem to worship God –

After seeking advice, the king made two golden calves. He said to the people, “It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem. Here are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.” 29 One he set up in Bethel, and the other in Dan. And this thing became a sin; the people came to worship the one at Bethel and went as far as Dan to worship the other.  1 Kings 12:28-30

After seeking advice.

Did you notice that?

That seems to be the message for us to take from this passage today.

Every event is based on seeking advice.

Jeroboam built alternative shrines with alternative priests. He established alternative festivals with alternative sacrifices and offerings. This alternative religion looked like the real thing, but was not the real thing. The people were fooled. We’ll see tomorrow how that went down.

So, back to the subject of seeking advice.

I love to give advice. Or at least, I have an opinion on pretty much everything and cannot wait for people to ask me to share it. It’s not because I think I’m always right. And I’m happy enough for people to ignore what I say and do their own thing if they think I’m wrong. My main motivation is actually because I care and want the best for the people around me. I burn with the desire for us all to be living the best lives possible – in terms of health and happiness in all our relationships, including our relationships with ourselves and with God.

So I have some friends that actually avoid me when they know they are on a path that I will have an opinion on. They have a feeling they know what I will say (or what I’m feeling, even if I don’t say it) and they don’t want to hear it. But these same friends do sometimes ask my advice, because they know I will be honest. They may not like it, but they value the fact I don’t beat around the bush or say what they want to hear.

You see, that’s the danger, isn’t it? We ask advice from a lot of different people, until we get the advice we wanted to hear all along. We listen to the people who agree with us. We surround ourselves with the people who like us and affirm us. That’s not really seeking advice, is it?

So should we all just do our own thing then? Should we not bother with seeking advice?

Although I love to give advice, I am not the best at seeking it. I love to do my own thing. I have a lot of new ideas and never want to hear that they are no good, that they won’t work, that anyone could have reservations about them. I want everyone to be as excited by them as I am.

I had one such idea during the service on Sunday morning – about setting up an online faith community, a diverse stream of Christians from all sorts of different traditions, who can share together and encourage each other every time they log onto Facebook, not just in a set hour on a Sunday morning. Sounds perfect, right? I thought so.

So I passed the idea by Andy, who came up with all sorts of practical considerations. I told my friend Joe, who was characteristically cautious and said he’d think about it. I shared the idea with my friend Jeff – who is normally a great enthusiast but even he could see some pitfalls. I spoke to my Dad about it – who is normally pretty negative about anything new and Facebook related – and he was remarkably open to the idea.

And nobody has said ‘That’s an amazing idea! Go for it!’

Yet.

So it may still happen.

I still think it’s a great idea.

Anyway, all of that is about me. What general things can I leave you with about seeking advice?

• the best way to establish an idea, goal or dream is to talk aloud about it to someone and see what they think
• you have to invite honesty otherwise advice is pointless – make sure the other person knows you want then to be honest
• if you’re going to ask advice, you have to be prepared to honest enough to tell the whole story
• seek advice from people with experience in the area you are talking about, not just your friends (and sometimes that will be from the Bible or a book or online….we can learn more from the experiences of others than we have time on this earth to discover for ourselves). Choose people you admire and respect and value their opinion
• be clear in your head before your start a conversation about what the actual issue or question is that you need advice on
• don’t just keep going until you hear the advice you want to hear – open your heart to respond to the truth when you hear it (when something ‘rings true – like a bell or a tuning fork – that’s a real thing)
• listen. Don’t go into the conversation with a defensive posture. You may ultimately decide not to take all of the advice you are given, but try to avoid any knee jerk reactions
• listening to advice and doing nothing about it is a waste of time. Make sure you take the time to evaluate the advice and decide if there is something you need to do there and then to act on it.
• It is a privilege to learn from others and have them give up their time to engage with your issues and have the courage and wisdom to offer an opinion, and one that should not be taken for granted
• it is not a sign of weakness to ask for advice – everyone needs it – but the wise thing to do
•  keep an open mind and find a way to learn from those who have already been there. Trust the experience of those people, above those who haven’t done what you want to do.
• remember that no advice is entirely objective – everyone’s opinion has been shaped by their own experiences and feelings and successes and setbacks and fears
• don’t bother seeking advice if you have already decided exactly what you intend to do – that’s a waste of everyone’s time