Natural response #1: the desire to get even

Remember yesterday? How Nehemiah asked the question ‘How are things?’.

They told me, “The exile survivors who are left there in the province are in bad shape. Conditions are appalling. The wall of Jerusalem is still rubble; the city gates are still cinders.”

When I heard this, I sat down and wept.  Nehemiah 1:3-4 (the Message)

We all know how that feels. We sometimes ask that question and are shocked and distressed by the response. We are bombarded with heartbreaking stories every single day.

And how do we respond?

Yes, we cry. Or feel like crying.

But what comes next?

Fear. I believe our response is often fear.

‘That could have been me.’

‘It could be me next.’

‘The world is scary.’

‘What is the world coming to?’

‘What kind of world do we live in?’

‘What if that happened to me?’

And as with all living things, fear leads to an instinctive fight or flight response.

Let’s consider fight.

We want to fight back. We get angry. Bitter. Resentful. We look for someone to blame.

We blame a group of people. A race. A religion. A social group.

We turn on them in our fear with all the venom and hatred that is building inside us.

We want to hurt them like they have hurt us. Or hurt our friend, our partner. Or our children.

God help anyone who hurts one of our children.

We will get even. We will teach them a lesson.

And often, getting even is not enough. Retaliation is all about escalation. If they do this, then I will do something far worse….and so the cycle of escalating violence continues.

Today the government is deciding whether to bomb Syria or not. In response to Paris. And many people are OK with that. It can be justified. It will rid the world of evil. We will be set free from the fear engendered by such terrorist acts. The world will be a safer place. We will show that we are strong. We cannot be messed with.

And so we will fight bombs with bombs. The lives of innocent civilians will pay for the lives lost in Paris.

This is the only way.

Is it? Is it really?

The government are responding to the fear of the nation. To a groundswell of public opinion that is calling for revenge. Who really do believe we have to teach them a lesson.

There is another way. When Jesus said he was the way, he was talking about another way to live. Another way to respond.

You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that.   Matthew 5:43-48

That is quite a challenge, isn’t it?

These words of Jesus are as relevant today as when he spoke them.

For our nation, but for us as individuals too. It all starts with us as individuals. With you and me.

It is hard to love those that hurt us or hurt people that we care about. It is hard to show compassion and forgiveness. Really, really hard (and it’s not about becoming a doormat and allowing people to repeatedly use and abuse us – sometimes boundaries are necessary to put a stop to systematic abuse, but that is too complicated to go into here. Just know that I have not forgotten that. Rob Bell’s podcast series on Forgiveness is excellent on this issue).

In this time of widespread fear and reaction, that love and compassion and forgiveness is what will set us apart. It’s what will make us different from everyone else. It’s what will make us speak up and stand out in the staffroom at work. It’s what will make us challenge the racist reactionary posts on Facebook. It’s what will help us understand the fear of others and demonstrate another way. Jesus’ way.

This is different. This is revolutionary. The natural response to getting hurt is to want to lash out, hit back. To make the other person suffer in some way. We all know that. We all feel that.

So shouting abuse at another driver is not OK.

Putting your partner down in public is not OK.

Leaving someone out because they left you out is not OK.

Undermining your boss is not OK.

Sleeping with someone else to get back at your boyfriend (Jeremy Kyle style) is not OK.

Setting out to ruin someone else’s life because they ruined yours is not OK.

Even rejoicing when you hear everything is going wrong for them is not OK.

If we call ourselves followers of the The Way (as the first Christians did), then we follow a different way.

Just as Nehemiah did.