So what is beauty anyway?

It’s entirely subjective, right? Beauty, that is.

This saying’s been around since the 3rd century in Greece and has been explored in poetry and literature and film and art ever since. And life.

And it’s so true, isn’t it? What I find beautiful, you do not. Who I find attractive, you do not.

When I google images of Esther, I pick this one as the most beautiful –

Don’t ask me why. There’s just something about it that I find beautiful. But if you google images of Esther, you will choose a completely different one. It’s fascinating, isn’t it? Beauty is not an absolute.

Whether we admit it or not, our perception of beauty is influenced by the world in which we live. The country. The culture. The century. The decade. If we lived in Italy in the 16th century, this would have been our definition of beautiful –

The media bombards us with images. Everyone starts wearing the latest trend. The fashion grows on us. We change. Which is fine and natural and part of being human. It’s when we then aspire to this construct of beauty that the problems can start.

We can only be beautiful if we are thin. We can only be beautiful if we look young. We can only be beautiful if we have a new dress. We can only be beautiful if we look tanned. Or our eyebrows are a certain shape. Or we have no freckles. How can we ever be satisfied with how we look when we see images of perfection everywhere we look?

In my opinion, we should all give up on looking beautiful. It’s never going to happen. These pictures are airbrushed. These models are chosen from thousands of girls. True beauty is rare. Physical beauty, I’m talking about (although inner beauty may be even more rare). I have never ever met anyone face to face whose physical beauty has taken my breath away. Have you? We are all human. All individual. Pretty, maybe. Attractive, maybe. But we all have our flaws. And the sooner we learn to accept ourselves as we are, the better. Some things we cannot change, no matter how hard we try. Or how much money we spend. And why would we want to?

And this is where it gets even more complicated. Because we do try to enhance or disguise or change aspects of our appearance. And we all draw the line in a different place as to what is acceptable and what is not. I use minimal make up, but I struggle to go out without eye liner on. I don’t like false nails and fake tan and hair dye. I have never paid money to lose weight – slimming clubs or miracle diets. But I do have tattoos and I love clothes and I can’t be doing with armpit hair and I enjoy exercise and how toned it makes me feel.

You see, that’s my line, but your line will be in a different place. Here’s some questions for you to evaluate and reflect on what lengths you go to to achieve beauty. There are no right answers, just the right answers for you – you’ll know.

• When you buy clothes, what questions do you ask yourself? Will my partner like this? Do I love it? Does my bum look big in it? What will other people think? Is it trendy? Does it make me look younger? Is it in the sale? Is it safe? And are you happy with those questions or do you want to change them?
• How much time do I spend on my appearance? In nail bars and beauty salons and hairdressers. Getting ready in the morning. If this the best use of my time?
• How much money do I spend on my appearance? Is this the best use of my money?
• And if the answer to the two questions above is ‘very little’ or ‘almost nothing’, why is that? Are you complete happy with how you look or are you in denial or do you feel you can’t justify spending any time or money on yourself?
• What are you trying to change? What can you not accept about your appearance? Why?

I wonder what those questions have thrown up for you.

I believe in making the most of what you’ve got. In looking your best. Whatever your best may look like. That’s subjective too, isn’t it? Having fun with your appearance. Expressing yourself. But I firmly believe it is not the most important thing in life. That other things matter far more. That it’s about getting your priorities right and valuing what really matters.

Beauty is rare. However hard I try, I will never be beautiful. I’m OK with that.

Nor will you. Are you ready to accept that too?

Good. Well, let’s have some fun then!