Valuing humanity over beauty

This is what happened during the time of Xerxes, the Xerxes who ruled over 127 provinces stretching from India to Cush: at that time King Xerxes reigned from his royal throne in the citadel of Susa, and in the third year of his reign he gave a banquet for all his nobles and officials. The military leaders of Persia and Media, the princes, and the nobles of the provinces were present.

For a full 180 days he displayed the vast wealth of his kingdom and the splendour and glory of his majesty. When these days were over, the king gave a banquet, lasting seven days, in the enclosed garden of the king’s palace, for all the people from the least to the greatest who were in the citadel of Susa. The garden had hangings of white and blue linen, fastened with cords of white linen and purple material to silver rings on marble pillars. There were couches of gold and silver on a mosaic pavement of porphyry, marble, mother-of-pearl and other costly stones. Wine was served in goblets of gold, each one different from the other, and the royal wine was abundant, in keeping with the king’s liberality. By the king’s command each guest was allowed to drink without restriction, for the king instructed all the wine stewards to serve each man what he wished.

Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the royal palace of King Xerxes.  Esther 1:1-9

Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? Such opulence. Everyone who was anyone was there. The king was showing off. And he had plenty to show off. I love the detail in the description – this is someone who knows their soft furnishings. It captures the imagination to visualise every single gold goblet being a different design – and constantly full with the best wine. That’s some party.

And meanwhile the women were enjoying a party of their own.

Until Xerxes decided it was time to show off his greatest possession of all – his wife.

On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him – Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Karkas – to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.  Esther 1:10-12

Good on her, we think. He has to realise a woman is not a possession. She is not there to be summoned like a slave. We can imagine the scene. But back then, this kind of thing was unimaginable. Women were possessions. It was different then. She was risking everything by taking this stand.

The king doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to lose her. She is beautiful. But something has to be done. He consults the experts, who are scared of her setting a precedent –

For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, “King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.” This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord.  Esther 1:17-18

You can understand their fear. This would destabilise society as they know it. Show women that they can take a stand. This is something for another time, another place. The Queen has to be exiled, deposed, banished, punished. All women must see that this behaviour is unacceptable.

A lot has changed since then, thank God. Women are treated as equals. Individuals in their own right. Generally.

We still entertain terms like WAGs (wives and girlfriends of professional athletes) and arm candy and and trophy wives……we love the airbrushed photos of celebrity couples in the gossip magazines……and we judge on appearance. All the time.

So in some respects, not much has changed at all.

We like to look nice. And we like other people to notice when we do. Generally.

Sometimes when someone says I look nice, my first thought is ‘So you don’t think I look nice the rest of the time’. And then if I make an effort and no one comments or notices, I get annoyed and wonder why I’ve bothered. When it comes to appearance, I’m a complicated mix of issues and hang ups. Aren’t we all?

The more I think about all of this, the more confused I become. I’m conflicted about beauty. I want to say that appearance doesn’t matter, but it does. I was going to start using statements like ‘Most women think….’ and ‘Some women feel….’ but I’ve realised I can’t talk for any of you out there. I can only talk for myself. Maybe you will be able to identify with some of what I say. I’m going to be completely honest, which may shock and offend, but if you dig deep, you may recognise yourself in some of what I say.

I know that judging someone by their outward appearance alone dehumanises them. And yet I like looking at pictures of beautiful women. And men. It’s an aesthetic thing – the lighting, the angle, the setting, the clothes, the mood, the facial expression……it can be art.

So where is the line to be drawn? Is there a line that should not be crossed? We know when we hear it or see it. Or speak it or think it. It makes us uncomfortable. Expressions like ‘Look at that. I would.’ That kind of thing. Giving marks out of ten. Assessing the bum or the boobs or the abs – ‘Look at that ass/those tits/that six pack.’ Objectifying. Seeing only a body and not the individual.

Maybe these paragraphs from the first chapter of Rob Bell’s book ‘Sex God’ will help –

Picture a group of high school boys standing by their lockers when a girl walks by. One of the boys asks ‘How do you rate that?’. They then take turns assigning numerical values tot he various parts of her anatomy, discussing in great detail how they evaluate her physical attributes.

This scenario happens all the time, all over the world, every day. It’s a pastime for some. There are television shows and websites and endless discussions all devoted to deciding who’s hot and who’s not. It’s an industry, a form of entertainment, a culture.

And it’s everywhere.

The problem is that ‘that’ is actually a ‘she’. A person. A woman. With a name, a history, with feelings. It seems harmless until you’re that girl – and then it hurts. It’s degrading. It’s violating. It does something to a person’s soul.

There is a way to see people differently. Do it differently. Think differently. Educate our children to see people differently. It’s God’s way. A way to value humanity over beauty, individuality over appearance.

It’s hard not to join in. Because we’re bombarded with the world’s way all day every day. Hard not to conform. It takes effort.

I judge by appearance all the time. I know I do. I judge what people wear. I have a thing about clothes. I judge size and hair and make up and tattoos and …..well everything to do with appearance, I guess.

And I hate when men post comments about ‘fit’ women, but then fall into the trap of doing the same about David Beckham for example! Come on ladies, if it’s wrong for the men, it’s wrong for us too!

I do want to change. This is what I yearn for –

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Romans 12:2

Because I know that when I treat someone as less than human, it doesn’t just affect them but it affects me too. It makes me less than human in that moment.

When I respect the image of God in others, I protect the image of God in me.  Rob Bell

So I guess my conclusion is that it’s OK to look at other people and aesthetically enjoy aspects of their appearance. Even to comment on it. ‘I love the colour of your coat.’ ‘I like what you’ve done with your hair today.’ ‘That colour really suits you.’ ‘The sparkle in your eyes makes me smile.’ All of that’s OK, isn’t it?

I think that when a hint of the sexual creeps in, then that’s when it gets uncomfortable. And wrong. Lust. Sexual attraction. Treating someone as a sex object. Innuendo. This. See what I mean?

So…..food for thought maybe……..thanks Queen Vashti. It’s always OK to say no. To draw the line. To say enough is enough.