Poem 3 Part 1: Abandoned by God

I am the man who has seen affliction
by the rod of the Lord’s wrath.
He has driven me away and made me walk
in darkness rather than light;
indeed, he has turned his hand against me
again and again, all day long.
He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
and has broken my bones.
He has besieged me and surrounded me
with bitterness and hardship.
He has made me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
he has weighed me down with chains.
Even when I call out or cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer.
He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
he has made my paths crooked.
Like a bear lying in wait,
like a lion in hiding,
he dragged me from the path and mangled me
and left me without help.
He drew his bow
and made me the target for his arrows.
He pierced my heart
with arrows from his quiver.
I became the laughingstock of all my people;
they mock me in song all day long.
He has filled me with bitter herbs
and given me gall to drink.
He has broken my teeth with gravel;
he has trampled me in the dust.
I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.
So I say, “My splendour is gone
and all that I had hoped from the Lord.”  Lamentations 3:1-18

This is what grief feels like.

It’s a dark, dark place and I find myself all alone. Totally isolated. Exiled.

God has done this. God has allowed this. God is angry with me.

God has pushed me away. He’s turned away from me. He’s ignoring all my cries for help.

How I have aged! My great sadness has broken my body. Everything hurts.

I’m trapped. I’m surrounded by pain and heartache and more pain.

There’s no escape. No door to walk out through. No way out of here.

There are heavy chains wrapped around me that cannot be broken.

I call out. I cry for help.

No one can hear. No one is listening.

I’ve been dragged off, ripped to pieces and then totally abandoned.

Arrows of pain are piercing the open target of my bleeding heart.

Everyone’s laughing at me. 

This is a bitter place to be. There’s a bitter taste in my mouth all the time.

Nothing tastes good any more. Everything tastes like gravel. Even my teeth are hurting.

I have no peace. Nothing good to cling on to. No hope.

God on mute: the silence of God in the midst of suffering.

If your deepest, most desperate prayers aren’t being answered, if life sometimes hurts so much that you secretly wonder whether God exists, and if He does, whether He cares, and if He cares why on earth He doesn’t just do something about to help, then you are not alone.   Introduction to ‘God on Mute’ by Pete Greig

You are not alone.

And you can be honest. You don’t have to feel ashamed. You don’t have to hide what you are feeling.

God isn’t like us. He doesn’t get insecure about His performance, and He never asks us to cover up for Him.  Introduction to ‘God on Mute’ by Pete Greig

Because this is Part 1.

There are Parts 2 and 3 to come.