Time to uncover a cover up

A scene based on the story of Tamar in 2 Samuel 13

We’re all aware of the reality of covering up and not reporting child abuse in families and institutions across our land. It’s all over the news at the moment. In fact, the CEO of the NSPCC, David Wanless, is calling for a change in the Law to prevent child abuse being covered up. This phone conversation is unfortunately true of many young teenagers out there.

Scene: When Tamara called Childline on 0800 1111, she was asked a few basic questions so that the call handler could understand her situation and get her the right help and support. Tamara was then put in touch with this NSPCC counsellor and this is a transcript of their conversation. (see http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/the-nspcc-helpline/helpline-uncovered/helpline-uncovered_wda87536.html for more details of the process).

Counsellor: Hi Tamara, my name’s Jenni and I’m hoping we can chat through today in more detail the issue that you rang Childline about yesterday. Can I say first of all that I know it has taken a lot of courage for you to contact us and I want to congratulate you on being brave enough to do so. It’s difficult to talk about this sort of thing, even on the phone, so take your time and we’ll see how it goes. You’re fifteen now, right?

Tamara: Yes, I’ll be sixteen in December.

Counsellor: Well, the best place to start is usually the beginning. Can you explain when you think this unwelcome attention from your half-brother Amnon started?

Tamara: I’m not really sure. When I was eleven or twelve, I guess. Round about when my periods started, I think, and my body shape started changing. I really don’t know how all this started though. I did nothing to provoke him, honest. It was a gradual thing at first. He would tell me I looked nice. He bought me some cool earrings one time. Then he started staring at me all the time. Once he stroked my hair and told me I was beautiful. That really freaked me out.

Counsellor: I can understand that. That’s not the way a young girl like yourself would expect a brother to behave.

Tamara: I know. I always felt awkward around him after that. I tried to keep out of his way after but he always seemed to be there, like he was stalking me or something. It felt wrong.

Counsellor: That must have been a bit scary.

Tamara: Yes, it was. Anyway, I don’t know why but he then started to look ill. He didn’t eat properly. He never seemed to get enough sleep. He had no energy and looked pale all the time. It can’t have had anything to do with me. I’d said nothing and done nothing. There was nothing to say really. People would have thought I was stupid if I’d tried to talk about how uncomfortable he made me feel. He was my half-brother after all.

Counsellor: Yes, it’s really hard to speak out about the concerns we have for fear of what other people will say.

Tamara: I was pretty innocent really. I’d never been with anyone, you know, not even had a boyfriend. My dad was pretty protective and wanted me to wait for the right man. Sounds silly, I know, but I had no problem with that. I believed in the romantic idea of love and that one day, I would fall in love at first sight and it would all be perfect and we would live happily ever after.

Counsellor: It’s not silly. Falling in love is a wonderful thing.

Tamara: Yes well, like that is ever going to happen now. Anyway, one day, Dad came to me and told me that Amnon was too ill to get up and was asking for me to take some food up to his room. I was nervous. Something didn’t seem right. But I was worried about him too. I was scared that he had some serious disease. Part of me really didn’t want to go into his room, but if Dad was OK with it, then surely it would be OK. Dad wouldn’t put up with anything dodgy, that was for sure.

Counsellor: You’re doing really well, Tamara. I know this is hard for you. And yes, a child should be able to trust their dad for protection.

Tamara: Well, I made him some scrambled egg on toast. That had always been his favourite when we were kids. But when I got to his room, he was acting really strange. He refused to eat anything. He made his friends leave the room. I started to get really scared. I didn’t want to be there at all. It didn’t feel right but I didn’t want to make a scene and upset Amnon when he was clearly really sad and ill.

Counsellor: I can understand that.

Tamara: When I took a cup of orange juice over to him, he grabbed my arm……..

Counsellor: Are you finding this too hard? Do you need to take a break?

Tamara: No, I need to do this. ‘Forget the juice’ he said, ‘Come to bed with me. I need you. I really need you.’

I tried to pull away but he was too strong.

Counsellor: You were just a young girl. How old were you exactly?

Tamara: I’d just turned thirteen and he must have been seventeen I think. Anyway, he was much stronger than me. I begged him to stop, I really did.

‘Please don’t do this. You’re my brother. It’s not right. Don’t force me to do this. Think of how you’ll feel afterwards. What will happen to us then?’

Counsellor: You said all the right things, Tamara. You’re right. A brother should never expect his sister to do that sort of thing.

Tamara: He wouldn’t listen to me, though. He knew what he wanted and he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He pulled me onto the bed and touched me in all the places I didn’t want to be touched. He saw parts of my body no man had ever seen and licked them and kissed them. It was disgusting. When he pushed himself inside me, I thought I was going to die. I cried out in pain. I couldn’t help it. He put his hand over my mouth to make me be quiet and I couldn’t breathe. I really thought that was the end of my life there and then. Part of me didn’t care. I just wanted the pain and humiliation to stop.

Counsellor: I’m so sorry you have had to go through this experience, Tamara. No one deserves to be treated in this way.

Tamara: It did stop. He rolled away and there was silence. The reality of what had happened hit me like a brick. I was damaged goods. No one would ever want me now. I would never be the same again.

‘Get out!’

That was all he said.

‘Get out!’

Counsellor: That must have been really hard to take.

Tamara: I couldn’t leave. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. It was like he now hated me as much as he had loved me and wanted me before.

I wouldn’t move. I couldn’t move. He called his friend Jonny in and he physically dragged me out and locked the door behind me. I was wearing a really cute white dress that now felt so wrong. It had been torn at the neck and I tore it more. I wanted to rip it to pieces. It belonged to the innocent girl I used to be. I felt so dirty and sat down on the ground and started to rub dirt into my arms and legs. Sounds weird, I know, but I can’t explain. I just felt like that was what I needed to do.

Counsellor: There is no right way to react to what had just happened to you. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Tamara: My real brother Absalom found me and took me home. He could tell by looking at me what had happened. He thought I’d lost the plot. He told Dad and I thought they would sort it out. They were both really mad about it. But they did nothing. Amnon got away with it. They never mentioned it to him at all.

Counsellor: Covering up this kind of abuse is a terrible thing to do, but tragically it happens all the time. It’s as if people think that ignoring it will make it go away.

Tamara: I stayed inside after that. I couldn’t show my face in public again. My life was in pieces. There was nothing left to live for.

Counsellor: It’s such a shame you didn’t manage to call Childline sooner. We could have helped you deal with the shame and depression you were feeling.

Tamara: I couldn’t. I was too scared of what Amnon would do if I spoke out about what he did to me. But he’s not around anymore. That’s why I’ve come forward now. He went away with Absalom on business and he’s not come back. Neither of them have. People are saying that Amnon’s been murdered and Absalom’s gone on the run. Dad’s distraught. He’s lost his two sons in one go. As for me, I feel relieved. I know in my heart that Amnon’s dead and can’t hurt me anymore.

Counsellor: You carried this awful burden on your own for so long and now you don’t have to anymore. It’s over. It’s perfectly natural to feel an overwhelming sense of relief.

Tamara: It’s been two years. Two long years of living in fear and shame. Two years of cringing at every knock on the door, of not being able to look in the mirror.

Counsellor: Two years is such a long time, Tamara.

Tamara: I feel for Dad on one level but I can’t help feeling he’s got what he deserved. He knew what had happened to me and he did nothing. He said nothing. Life for everyone else carried on as if nothing had happened. I will never be able to forgive him for that.

Counsellor: You’re right. This sort of abuse should never be allowed to be covered up.

Tamara: If Absalom has killed Amnon, then maybe this will help people understand why. If he gets caught and charged, maybe I can make a statement in his defence. I like to believe that he killed Amnon to get revenge for what he did to me. That bastard never deserved to live a normal life. Now his life is over and mine can begin again.

Counsellor: You’re right, Tamara. You can start to build a happy, healthy future for yourself. You have started already by talking to me. I can help you. The NSPCC can give you the support and advice that you need to get through the coming days. We will be there for you. Thank you for talking to me today. Shall we set a time and date now when we can chat again?

 

 

 

The Dad in this story is – you’ve guessed it – David.