The whole mother-in-law, daughter-in-law thing……

I’m new to the whole mother-in-law, daughter-in-law thing. I’ve only been a mother-in-law for ten days. And it’s been easy so far. I’ve known my daughter-in-law since she was 15. She’s grown up around our family. She and I have developed a comfortable relationship (imho). She is good for my boy, everyone can see that. She knows what she is taking on. She has gone into it with her eyes wide open (it makes Luke sound awful, but anyone close to him will know he is quite a handful!). And on the wedding day, wow, did she look beautiful – and there are lovely shots of her laughing and memories of her having A LOT of fun…..I believe they will make each other very happy. As Luke said in his speech –

It’s been hard for my Mum to let her firstborn son go to another woman, but it has been made easier knowing that Becca has the same caring heart and that even though Becca knows everything about our family, she is prepared to take us on.

Of course, I have been a daughter-in-law for much longer – 26 years in fact. Looking back, I don’t think I’ve been a particularly good daughter-in-law. I haven’t done well at keeping in touch and visiting and remembering birthdays and anniversaries. Andy’s mum probably thought he was too young to get married, that he hadn’t known me for long, that moving South was not what she wanted for her boy. I didn’t really understand that at the time. And yet my mother-in-law and I are pretty similar in a lot of ways (perhaps that’s why Andy chose me!) and appreciate each other for who we are. She has been great with accepting the craziness in our home – she has witnessed some pretty rough scenes and taken it all in her stride. And now she and the rest of the Manchester crew have taken Keir under their wing and care for him for us – and for that, we are very appreciative.

Anyway, back to the Book of Ruth. I can’t begin to imagine how this conversation from Ruth 1:6-22 would go with either my daughter-in-law or my mother-in-law. No one wants to be put in the position to make this kind of choice –

So when Naomi hears that God has come to the aid of his people by providing food for them, she prepares to return home from Moab. She sets out with her two daughters-in-law.

Naomi:  OK, so now it’s time to say goodbye. Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May God show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. May you each find the love and care and security of another husband.

She kisses them goodbye. They all weep.

The girls: No, don’t make us leave you. We want to come with you. We will go back with you to your people.

Naomi: Return to your homes, my daughters. What is the point in coming with me? I’m not going to have any more sons that you can marry, am I? And even if I did, you would have to wait for them to grow up before you could marry them. That’s just ridiculous. God has turned against me, anyone can see that. You need to get away from me and make a new life for yourselves.

They all weep again. Orpah listens to what Naomi says and kisses her mother-in-law goodbye.

Naomi: Look, Ruth, your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.

Ruth: Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. It’s not going to happen. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.

Naomi realises there is no point trying to convince Ruth to return home. So the two women carry on until they come to Bethlehem. Just as the barley harvest is beginning. Which turns out to be key.

All over the world, all through the ages, people have had to say goodbye to their homes and families. Making tough choices. Heartbreaking decisions. They have had to make the choice to leave or to stay. They have had to choose between family members. They have had to leave their homes and evacuate their cities in time of war. They have had to run away to escape from religious or political persecution. They have had to leave in search of food and work and livelihood. Young adults have had to choose to leave behind family and friends to find employment. Children have had to choose which parent to live with in times of divorce…..

These kinds of choices are still being made today. Every day. All over the world.

We have no idea what motivates Ruth to decide to accompany her mother-in-law. I could speculate, but I won’t. Whatever her reasons, her loyalty and commitment to her mother-in-law are deeply moving. She is trusting Naomi enough to lead her into the unknown – trusting Naomi’s God maybe (who Naomi herself has pretty much lost faith in…..).

Naomi is returning home. But returning home is not always easy. Returning home without her husband and sons. It must really bring it home to her – all that she has lost, all that has been so cruelly taken away from her…..

No one in Bethlehem can believe it is her. She has changed. They have changed. Bethlehem itself will have changed. Going back is hard. Everyone and everything has moved on. You are not the person you were when you left.

Naomi symbolically asks them not to call her Naomi any more (which means pleasant – and her life now is far from pleasant). As an aside, my niece’s daughter is my birthday twin and is called Naomi and is the definition of pleasant!

Naomi now wishes to be called Mara (which means bitter – now that’s more like it). She’s blaming God for it all. God has made her life bitter. God has brought her back home with nothing. God is punishing her for something. God has brought sorrow and misfortune on her.

Let’s not judge her for blaming God. This is grief. This is one of the natural stages. This is completely natural. It happens. It is OK. God can take it.

It is part of Naomi’s journey. It is part of everyone’s grief journey.

Allow each other to grieve.