I’ll do anything……

Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurts?

Have you ever cried out in desperation to the universe, to a God you didn’t know you believed in, to God your Father?

Desperate for a partner. Desperate to be loved. Desperate to bring an end to your loneliness. Desperate for a child. Desperate for healing. Desperate for the survival of a loved one. Desperate for your teenager to come home safely to you. Desperate for the arguments to end. Desperate to escape from under the black cloud of depression. Desperate to silence the negative voices in your head. Desperate to feel safe. Desperate to feed and provide for your family.

Desperate to be heard. Desperate for an answer.

So desperate that you would do anything, give anything…..

You find yourself bargaining, promising to do whatever is required.

Promising to change. Promising to be good. Promising to do something radical.

Anything to satisfy this unbearable longing.

I’ll do anything…….

This must be how Hannah felt in 1 Samuel 1.

She didn’t care who saw her.

She didn’t care what anyone thought.

She was overwhelmed with a desperate longing that consumed every living moment.

She couldn’t stop crying. She couldn’t eat.

She would do anything, give anything…..

If God would only listen to her.

Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”

“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”

She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.”

Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.  1 Samuel 1:9-18

Out of her deep anguish, she prayed.

She prayed to the Lord God of Israel, the God of her ancestors, the God who had heard the cries of his people in Egypt and come to their rescue.

She wept bitterly.

She made a promise.

She was deeply troubled.

She prayed from the heart.

She poured out her soul to the Lord.

She prayed out of her great anguish and grief.

Have you been there? I have. Most of us have at some point in our lives. Maybe you are at that point right now.

It’s OK to cry out to God. More than OK. Someone I know calls this kind of prayer ‘praying naked’ – letting God see it all, all our pain and longings and resentments and confusion…..

We may not call it prayer but any communication with God is prayer.

Here are some great ways of describing prayer from ‘A silence and a shouting’ by Eddie Askew –

Hard and sharp, soft and loving, deep and inexpressible, shallow and repetitious, a groaning and a sighing.

A silence and a shouting, a burst of praise digging deep down into loneliness, into me. Loving.

Abandonment to despair, a soaring to heights which can be only ecstasy, dull plodding in the greyness of mediocre being – laziness, boredom, resentment.

Questing and questioning, calm reflection, meditation, cogitation.

A surprise at sudden joy, a shaft of light, a laser beam.

Irritation at not understanding, impatience, pain of mind and body hardly uttered or deeply anguished.

Being together, the stirring of love shallow, then deeper, then deepest.

A breathless involvement, a meeting, a longing, a loving, an inpouring.

That just about sums it up!

For Hannah, prayer helps. It really helps.

She finds peace in that moment. Peace that God has heard her cry.

She goes away. She eats. She doesn’t look sad any more.

May you find peace in the midst of your turmoil.

May you find hope in your despair.

May you find comfort for your grief and anguish.

May you feel listened to when you cry out.

May you go in peace.