‘You always believe her and not me.’

Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. One of them said, “Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.

“During the night this woman’s son died because she lay on him. So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne.”

The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours.”

But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king.

The king said, “This one says, ‘My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.’”  1 Kings 3:16-23

What a dilemma! How will the king ever discover who is telling the truth? He wasn’t there. There were no witnesses. Both women are claiming the child as their own.

You are probably thinking right now about an argument between your kids (an hour ago maybe!) that went along these lines (although not over such a serious issue, obviously)…..

‘He broke that glass!’ ‘No, he did!’

‘That pound is mine.’ ‘No, it isn’t, it’s mine!’

‘You always believe her and not me.’

‘You always take his side.’

And you weren’t there. You have no way of knowing who is telling the truth. Many a time Andy has seriously looked into having CCTV installed in our house precisely to avoid this sort of dilemma.

And I end up saying ‘Well, if neither of you will own up, then you will both face the consequences’ or ‘Well, if I can’t get to the truth, then neither of you will have the pound’…..

Sound familiar?

Some of our children have a very flexible attitude to the truth – and then get upset when you don’t believe what they are saying. I have no idea what to believe and what not to believe half the time…which just goes to show how important telling the truth is…how your words only count for something if they can be counted on to be true and reliable.

Anyway, back to Solomon…..what a good job he asked God for discernment…looks like he’s going to need it!

Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”

The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!”

But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”

Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”

When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.  1 Kings 3:24-28

Well done Solomon! He was banking on the love and compassion of the true mother to shine through – and it did! No mother would allow her child to be cut in two for whatever reason. This mother is not perfect but she recognises her own child and will do all she can to protect it from harm. Pretty much like most of us out there.

So back to us?

What can we do about our kids lying to us?

I am absolutely no expert here but here’s a few thoughts I am finding helpful.

1. What kind of role model are we? How often do we tell white lies in front of our kids? Or expect them to tell them for us? ‘If X rings, tell them I’m in the bath….’ ; ‘Just tell your teacher the printer wasn’t working’; ‘don’t tell Dad how much we spent today…’ If truth matters, it matters always. For all of us.

2. Why do our kids lie? Sometimes it’s because they don’t like our reaction – if we shout or over-react or make them feel ashamed or clumsy or useless…… Maybe it’s all about making it OK to admit to mistakes and failings…..

3. Another reason our kids lie…….. this is hard and I know it’s true here. Our kids love us and feel we have pretty high expectations of behaviour for them so they don’t want us to be disappointed in them…easier then to lie and keep us happy and protect us from the truth than be real……

4. Sibling rivalry runs deep……some of my kids are pretty insecure and so are constantly comparing everything I say and do with and for another with what I say and do for them……this insecurity is what needs addressing….otherwise the need to bring the other down and get them into trouble and make them look bad will always be an instinct…..

So after 23 years of parenting and 5 children, what is my wisdom on all this? Muddling through still, I’m afraid….often not even trying to get to the bottom of anything…..but praising truth when it is told and striving to show unconditional love and avoiding blame and always looking to bring out and point out the best and giving time and energy and love and attention to each child however old……

Please share your wisdom – or useful tips! We can all learn from each other.