When distance is the best option…….

I’m sure Saul promised to spare David’s life after David could have killed him in that cave and did not. And yet here he is again, pursuing David while he is still hiding in deserts and hills and wildernesses.

I’m sure he could justify his change of heart. We all usually can.

And then David is then presented again with the opportunity to take Saul’s life.

Saul is fast asleep alongside Abner, commander of his army, surrounded by his whole army – and they are all fast asleep! David and Abishai creep into the camp unnoticed –

“Today God has delivered your enemy into your hands. Now let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of the spear; I won’t strike him twice.”  1 Samuel 26:8

David has every reason to have Saul put to death. He has given Saul another chance and he has blown it. He has not kept his promise. He is determined to kill David. David would merely be defending himself.

Here is his chance to take matters into his own hands.

And yet he does not.

“Don’t destroy him! Who can lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless? As surely as the Lord lives,” he said, “the Lord himself will strike him, or his time will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. But the Lord forbid that I should lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed. Now get the spear and water jug that are near his head, and let’s go.”  1 Samuel 26:9-10

Saul is accountable to God and God will deal with him. It is not David’s place to mess with God’s plan.

So he takes Saul’s spear and water jug to prove that he was there and calls out to Saul and Abner from the top of a hill some distance away (he’s no fool). They realise how David has spared them (he’s a better man than them, that’s for sure) and Saul is touched –

“I have sinned. Come back, David my son. Because you considered my life precious today, I will not try to harm you again. Surely I have acted like a fool and have been terribly wrong.”  1 Samuel 26:21

But David knows better than to trust Saul.

“One of these days I will be destroyed by the hand of Saul. The best thing I can do is to escape to the land of the Philistines. Then Saul will give up searching for me anywhere in Israel, and I will slip out of his hand.”  1 Samuel 27:1

So David and his men and their families settle in Gath. Yes, actually settle. And he’s right, Saul does not pursue him there.

Achish son of Maok king of Gath gives him Ziklag, a country town, where he lives for a year and four months. He raids the Geshurites, the Girzites and the Amalekites for supplies and resources. Achish trusts him because he believes David’s own people hate him so much that he has to remain loyal to Achish, he has no choice.

In those days the Philistines gathered their forces to fight against Israel. Achish said to David, “You must understand that you and your men will accompany me in the army.”

David said, “Then you will see for yourself what your servant can do.”

Achish replied, “Very well, I will make you my bodyguard for life.”  1 Samuel 28:1-2

This passage today has made me think about what happens when the same person wrongs us time and time again. When we find ourselves being hurt over and over again by the same person. When we end up in an abusive relationship.

What are we meant to do then? Just sit there and take it and be the better person and show love? Because love will always win, won’t it?

When I wrote ‘Be the better person’ the other day, I was not referring to situations of repeated and systematic abuse. I was talking specifically about revenge – getting even for the small things and making someone pay for the big things. And I do believe that revenge is wrong in every situation. But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in a place where we are going to get hurt repeatedly.

Look at David. Saul seems to have a special emotional connection to him – they call each other father and son. When Saul realises what he is doing, he appears to be touched emotionally. He is deeply sorry. He promises to never do it again. He doesn’t seem to be able to help himself. His promises count for nothing. Then he is sorry again and begs David to return. He is very convincing. Maybe he has really changed this time. Maybe this time everything will be different. Maybe love can change him. Maybe he deserves another chance. Maybe David should go back to him.

David does not. He puts a physical distance between himself and Saul. He recognises Saul for what he is. He talks to him from a place of safety across the valley. He is not swayed by Saul’s persuasive words. He will not put himself in a position of danger again. He settles with his family far away from Saul, in a safe place where Saul cannot reach him. He takes time out in this place – a year and four months – to recover and rest and gather strength. He leaves Saul in God’s hands. He does not try to solve the situation himself.

David does not seek revenge for all the pain and hardship Saul has put him through. But he does remove himself from the situation.

I have experienced a level of emotional abuse in my own life where for a long time, I believed that my love would change everything. In the end, I had to distance myself from this person who I loved so much and yet had so much power to hurt me and my family. We are still in that year and four months of recovering and resting and gathering strength. It takes a long time to find healing from deep emotional abuse. Sometimes I experience doubt that I have done the right thing and am overwhelmed with guilt at what looks like abandoning and rejecting someone I love – but today, I can see that I have done the right thing. I did not seek revenge. I was not out to punish. I did what I had to do before it was too late.

I believe that God is still at work in our situation. Bringing healing and reconciliation. I still believe that love wins. But I also realise that distance is necessary.

If this has touched a chord, then talk to someone. Sometimes when we’re in an abusive situation, we believe the lies that are fed to us; we blame ourselves; we’re ashamed to talk about it. Someone outside the situation can bring a clarity we can never find on our own. There is a way to make it stop. May God help you find that way.